


Fowl Play

by PotatooftheLand



Series: Fowl Play [1]
Category: The Transformers (IDW Generation One), Transformers - All Media Types
Genre: Chicken AU, Chickens, Domestic Fluff, Faeformers AU, Fluff and Crack, Gen, Happy Ending, Other, Reader-Insert, Supernatural Elements, Tarn is Tarn towards the end, Yandere
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-18
Updated: 2018-04-06
Packaged: 2019-04-04 03:56:02
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 14
Words: 16,225
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14011638
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PotatooftheLand/pseuds/PotatooftheLand
Summary: When an encounter with a particularly tricky Decepticon traitor turns sour, Tarn gets slapped by karma hard enough to rethink his life.  Wherein the feared and terrible leader of the DJD gets turned into a chicken.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> What have I done, fanfiction has given us too much power. The question is not who will let me, but who will stop me…  
> Since Faeformers Tarn seems popular, this is an AU on that...Chicken AU. Yeah, he gets turned into a chicken and reader has to take care of him, I don't know why I did this xD Fae Tarn Anon _egged_ me on so I had to xD

Tarn absolutely cannot _believe_ that this has happened, it’s humiliating, embarrassing and frankly an all-around disaster. He can’t decide if he just wants to die of mortification or claw every nerve cell out of the Fae who did this to him. He clucks unhappily. Not like he would be able to in his current state. Instead of being the feared leader of the DJD, a shadow demon who was talked about in only whispers…he’s this. A lowly chicken.

What kind of spell was that anyway? Absolutely deplorable, although he had to admit he had severely underestimated this particular Decepticon traitor by hunting them down alone. Now what was he to do? After getting struck he had promptly run off like a headless chicken. He couldn’t be blamed though, things were scary when you couldn’t even see over the tops of bushes.

He slumped over under a tree. So this was it, just wait until the spell wore off or he was eaten by some hungry predator. Never in a hundred lifetimes would he have guessed this was how he might die. He cooed softly, feeling very sorry for himself indeed. Having run for so long beforehand, he was tired, hungry, thirsty and caked with dirt. There was no way he was going to degrade himself by pecking for scraps on the ground either. Dejectedly, he began wandering back towards the battlefield. 

Even if his teammates never looked at him the same way again, they’d probably help him if they found him. Maybe. He wanted to survive this episode long enough to get revenge at least. Shuffling around, he gave an irritated ‘bok’ as he realised that he was quite lost. This was bad, the sun was setting and he was literally about to be dead meat if so much as a cat attacked him. He couldn’t imagine how his day could get any worse…

A fat raindrop landed on his head, followed by another then an entire downpour.

Drenched and exhausted he gave a loud shriek of frustration, not caring if it drew the attention of whatever ate chicken in these parts. Let Primus end him, whatever.

“Oh, look at you.” A voice called as he immediately shut up, retracting his death wish. “What’re you doing out here by yourself?”

A pair of human hands gently lifted him under his stomach as he gave an indignant squawk. _Fool_ , they were about to feel the wrath of his thousand pecks. But they were warm, and when they pulled him flush against their body under their raincoat he postponed his plan of attack. He gave a low coo of comfort to be out of the rain and grudgingly deigned to let them touch him.

“Let’s get you inside, hm? You must have been scared to be out there alone, wonder where you came from.” They murmured soothingly to him as he sulked.

Part of him wanted to protest that _he_ was the one who was to be feared, his outlier ability rendering him an efficient killing machine. His division left fear and destruction in their wake, he deserved better than to be patronised! Once he reverted to his true form, he’d show this human exactly who he was…Satisfied at the thought of violence and vengeance, he snuggled further into their coat and gave a quiet coo.

But in the meantime, what was a chicken to do?


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> THAT’S WHAT I THOUGHT, NO ONE HAD ANYTHING TO SAY ABOUT THIS XD I’m joking, thanks for the kudos xD I'm going all in on the Chicken AU, 10k words xD I had to research chicken care for this. [Tarn chicken](https://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/thumb/d/d1/Orpington_chicken_2.jpg/1200px-Orpington_chicken_2.jpg) if you would like a visual aid to this fic, an Orpington xD

“Okay, let’s get you cleaned up!” the human hummed when they entered their modest house.

Tarn clucked in disapproval, typical shabby human abode. They better not think they could eat him, because they had another thing coming if so, he thought warily. Instead, he was unceremoniously placed in a bucket of soapy water. If it hadn’t been as warm as it was, he might have pecked the human’s eyes out for the treatment. Still, let it not be said he was not a Fae of infinite patience, he thought solemnly as they used a sponge to softly smooth over his feathers.

He chirped involuntarily as they washed the dirt from his body.

“Feel better now?” they asked quietly, propping his head above the water. “Someone must be missing you very much, but don’t worry, we’ll get you home soon.”

He gave an indignant squawk. Him? Owned by a mere _mortal_? Disgusting. As if they could ever match his power, those humans were not even worthy enough to even speak his name. His thoughts were interrupted as he was rinsed off in another bucket of tepid water, transferred like the bag of feathers he currently was. He didn’t want to admit it, but getting cleaned maybe wasn’t completely awful…possibly it even felt nice.

“You’re a very pretty boy, aren’t you? You look very healthy…a show-chicken I think.” You say as you pat him down with a fluffy towel. “I’ll put out some missing posters and check with my neighbours tomorrow if you’re theirs.”

Up until this point he had been benevolently enduring the human’s molestation, but hearing that he might be dumped like unwanted trash on yet another human was too much. He immediately jumped up, flapping his wings in revolt. How _dare_ they? He was gracing them with his presence, yet they would offend him this way!

“Okay! Calm down there, buddy!” the human supplicated, chasing him around the counter top as they managed to wrap him in a towel burrito. “Let’s get you blow dried so you can get some rest, alright? You must be very tired.” They continued as he fumed in his roll and all throughout the blow drying.

“All done! Lucky for you I have nice warm straw bedding for you right over here with some food and water.” You told him brightly, walking over to what looked like a cage.

 _Straw bedding_? In a _cage_? Would the offenses never end?! He couldn’t even begin to articulate his sheer revulsion at the very notion, but thankfully he didn’t really have to. All he had to do was open his beak and shriek bloody murder so loudly, you winced, holding him away from your face as he scratched and pecked. You’re saying something but frankly he doesn’t care, just keeps screaming until you put him down and he scampers straight to your bedroom. Flapping his way up, he deposits himself on your pillow.

“No, come on that’s _my_ bed, buddy.” You tell him sternly when you enter the room, intent on picking him up again.

However, as you reach out he begins screeching again and jabbing at your hands with his beak to stave you off. You sigh, and he had been so well behaved up until now. But you had a plan, leaving him be you placed the bird carrier right outside your room so he could see the food and water. Then you sit in the corner and wait.

He scoffs, as if he would fall for such a cheap trick. He gives you a beady look before settling himself more firmly in your pillow. If he had to stay in this accursed shape, in this hovel, he was going to be sleeping on the only barely acceptable place, the bed.

“Aren’t you hungry, buddy? Look at the all the nice tasty food over there!” you called sweetly, tapping the door of the enclosure as he didn’t even dignify that with a response.

But…he was hungry, and thirsty. The question was whether his pride was worth more than that. Apparently so because he didn’t budge as you finally gave up and went to go wash up. The moment your bathroom door closed he raced over to gobble up some water and the _edible_ things you had prepared. Cooked rice, corn, kale etc. Finally full and semi-content, he plucked a sheet of tissue from the bedside table and wiped his beak before nestling back into your pillow. He might be a chicken but he wasn’t a _barbarian_. 

“You sneaky bugger…” you mutter when you come out to find some of the food consumed and water drunk, but no chicken in the carrier. “Ugh, at least move over so I have some space to sleep.” You grumble as he unwillingly scoots over a bit so you can have one of the pillows.

“I’ll deal with you tomorrow…” you mumble as you shut off the light and he gives a low caw in reply.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Your friend is woke about your chicken xD I need to go back and fix chapters so I'm actually on the same POV?? Like dang, that second chapter was a mess xD Hope y'all enjoying xD

“Come’on, into the carrier!” 

Unfortunately, your dear chicken was being obstinate and refused to get near the cage despite your coaxing. He merely glared at you imperiously from his throne that was your pillow and shook his head.  
  
“Fine, you win.” You concede, throwing up your hands.

Your neighbour was within walking distance anyway, so you’d just ask him to come over. Upon opening the door though, a black feathery mass promptly shot past you outside. He stood on the path like he hadn’t just made you struggle to get him into a carrier for the last half hour.

“Why do you hurt me so.” You lament as you lock up before gathering him into your arms.

He clucks in a self-satisfied way, snuggling into your hold the whole walk to the next house over. Heading up the path, you give your neighbour a shout out as he waves you over into his garden.

“Hi (Name)! How’s it going?”

“Great, Joe! Hey, check out my chicken.” You joke, lifting the Orpington up slightly as he gave your friend the most menacing look he had ever seen.

 _You lowly human, you better not think you can take me…_ he seemed to communicate.

“Woah, he looks mad.” Your neighbour noted semi-seriously as you checked your beaky buddy’s face, but found him staring innocently back at you.

“Really? He’s well behaved for the most part. I think he’s pedigree, but surprisingly isn’t cage trained. Weird, right?” you replied, as he cooed against your neck.

“Yeah, maybe a pet? What’re you going to do with him?”

“I don’t know, everyone I asked said they weren’t missing a rooster, I think he was abandoned. I guess I should take him to the vet first and put out a missing bulletin.” You muse as your friend nods in agreement.

“Yeah, I’m going to town in a bit if you want to hitch a ride.” He offered brightly, putting down his gardening tools.

“Yes please, thanks! Actually, did you want him? Because—”

You can’t even finish your sentence, your chicken starts shrieking in objection and viciously attacking your sweater. You quickly smooth the feathers from his head to his back, bouncing him gently as you hum reassuringly.

“Shh, it’s okay, no need to panic.” you murmur, frantically extracting your clothing from his grip but he won’t stop bawling. “It’s okay, I’m not going to give you away, alright? I’m sorry, I’m sorry I suggested it, buddy.”

He desists, still clucking darkly to himself.

“Does…he understand you?” you bewildered friend asks, having backed away from the angry rooster as you look around furtively, making sure you keep on petting your little drama queen.

“…I think he does, he gets really upset when I say certain things.” You mutter back, covering your chicken’s ears as he squawks indignantly. “I don’t have any hens, so he’d be lonely if he stayed with me. I thought since you already have some—”

You can hear the tell-tale broody growl that usually precedes a hearty scream emanating from a certain fluffy chest, so you hurriedly pay him more attention.

“But that’s fine, buddy. You can stay with me if you would like. I was just worried you’d be sad if you weren’t around your friends.

Your chicken shook his head.

“(Name), that is insane. Are you a chicken whisperer or something? Come quick, we have to test this.” Joe said, clearly impressed as he ushered you into his backyard where a number of chickens were wandering about.  
  
“Let me hold him for a bit while you speak to his brethren.” Joe offered to which you nodded in agreement to humour him.

Unfortunately, as soon as the chicken in question heard these words he whipped his head around and glared at your friend. The moment unknown hands brushed against his black plumage, he exploded in rage. Screeching, he pecked viciously as your neighbour, wings pummelling his face even as he yelled and backed away.

“Woah, woah! Stop it!” you shout, restraining your furious bird and stroking his feathers until he quietens again, still making offended trills. “I’m so sorry! Are you okay, Joe?”

“Uh…yeah, wow he really doesn’t like me, huh?” your friend replies with an awkward laugh, looking at his savaged hands.

“Are you bleeding? Oh my gosh, I’m so sorry! Let me get the stuff, I’ll help you clean the wounds.” You offer, quickly dropping your chicken into the nearby coop wherein he starts screaming.

“No! Bad rooster!” you snap as you rush off to get the first aid kit, bringing it to your friend who was washing his cuts.

“I’m really sorry, he gets volatile sometimes but he’s never pecked me hard enough to draw blood.” You apologised as your friend shook his head, checking that the backyard door was closed.

“That chicken…understands human language…” he whispers as you have to lean in to hear him.

“I think he maybe just reacts to our tone of voice.” You reply hesitantly, surprised that your friend was so on board with this.

“No! I have two theories, one…you’re the chicken whisperer…or two, that chicken is a human whisperer.” He continues anxiously as you bandage his hands.

“I’m fairly sure I’m not the former.” You respond with a chuckle. “I’m really sorry about him attacking you, but I think he’s just a really smart chicken.”

“We can test, go outside and tell him…in the same tone! That you intend to bring him to see a vet, then tell him you intend to leave him in the garbage dump—“

“Bok.”

The two of you spin around to see the chicken in question glaring at you from the counter top.

“See! He knows! Away with you, demon chicken! You have no power here!” yelled your friend, grabbing a broom to chase the chicken out of his house.

“Dude, please calm down. Any chicken could hop up through the window!” you say in an alarmed voice, quickly standing between him and your rooster.

“But how? _How_ did he know how to get in here? It’s uncanny and creepy! (Name), you gotta get rid of that chicken.” Joe told you, keeping a wary eye on your feathered friend before dashing around to chase him out the window.

“Stop it, Joe! You’re scaring him!” you shout, quickly gathering up your chicken when he comes running at you, beeping angrily.

“Don’t defend him! It’s what he wants!”

“Okay Joe, just look at yourself for a second! You’re abusing a poor, defenceless fowl.” You snap, protectively shielding your pet with your body. “I need to take him to the vet, I’ll come by and check on you later, okay?”

“N-no, I offered to give you a lift. I don’t want you to have to walk to the bus stop and all…” he replies tentatively, putting down the broom.

“Thank you, are you sure you’re okay though?” you ask with a sigh, gesturing to his hands.

“Yeah…but I don’t think your demon bird wants to take my car.” He mutters darkly as you decide to just go along with his conspiracy theory.

“Listen, Joe is my good friend and has kindly offered to drop us off at the vet. So you’ll be good and stop attacking him, right?” you ask your chicken who promptly shakes his head.

“I’ll keep a tight hold on him and sit in the back.” You promise in a defeated voice.


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> When you have to balance the relationship between your ultra intelligent chicken and your conspiracy theorist of a friend xD

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In loving memory of those noodle coupons my nano lab buddy and I never got to use. RIP... I honestly love this AU so much, y'all don't even know xD

Tarn fluffed his plumage, making himself comfortable on (Name)’s lap. It was a cold day, so he really couldn’t be blamed for trying to keep warm by huddling up against them. After all, without his magic he couldn’t regulate his own temperature. They hadn’t even given him one of those useless jackets they wore, chicken-sized of course. What irresponsible mortals.

But what _really _ruffled his feathers was that they had the audacity to suggest giving him away! Him! As if he were a sack of meat to be tossed among common poultry! This was all Joe’s fault, honestly. While he could barely tolerate (Name), he outright _refused_ to be disrespected by some even worse human. At least (Name) washed their hands before touching him, as they should. Joe just thought he could touch him with his fingers that had been grovelling around in the dirt, disgusting. He had also tried hitting him with a broom, which netted him significant bad will points. He’d ask Kaon to add him to The List when he got back. He longed for his true form so he could see how _he_ liked being chased around with an oversized stick.__

__He clucked irritably, sulking and dreaming of getting the respect he deserved. (Name) might be annoying, but everyone else was ten times worse. The least they could do was give him some warm, clean pets right now. He was giving them the privilege touching his beautiful feathers after all, albeit in chicken form. He squawked with annoyance when they just kept holding him tightly in their car seat though, sans patting. Absolutely insufferable._ _

__“I’ll come by in an hour to pick you up, then we can grab lunch.” Joe says as he drops him and his human off at a suspicious looking building._ _

__“Alright, thanks for driving!”_ _

__Good riddance, huffs Tarn haughtily, the gross mortal was finally gone._ _

__“Okay buddy! Just a medical check-up now, and you’ll be good to go!” his human informs him cheerily, as he grudgingly lets himself be carried away. “If you don’t chuck a fit in there, I’ll give you a prize later too.”_ _

__Pff, as if they had anything he would want. Maybe an almond biscuit, the one he had stolen off his human’s plate this morning had been good. He should get another for the sheer feat of tolerating their presence but at this stage he was getting used to being the victim of constant crimes. They would have to refer to him as Tarn the patient after this, he thought with a sagely nod._ _

__He might despise the thought of even more uncivilized hands touching him, but Nickel had instilled in him respect for medics of any kind. He sulked as you stroked him soothingly in the waiting room, disgusted that he had sunk so low as to be in a room with puking and sickly animals._ _

__His human eventually gets called in and a very disgruntled chicken is placed on the table. He shuts his eyes and endures the check-up generously, summoning the taste of cookies and Nickel’s disapproving face whenever he feels the urge to gouge the vet’s eyes out._ _

__“He seems perfectly healthy, no parasites or anything. He mustn’t have been out in the forest long.” He can hear the human say as (Name) nods happily. “He’s good to go.”_ _

__“Thank you, that’s great news.” They reply, before collecting him up and leaving the accursed place. “You were such a good boy in there, didn’t even fuss! You can have half an almond biscuit when we get home as a reward.” His human praises as his eyes snap open._ _

___Half?_ He deserved the whole jar! Not once throughout the entire appointment had he so much as given the vet a dirty look! He gave a loud squawk of irritation at this betrayal. Was this vengeance for him having stolen your biscuit at breakfast? Because that was unfair, if you left your things unguarded, they were free for grabs as far as he was concerned. In any case, it would be his second almond cookie, you looked like you’d been baking and eating them for years already! The injustice was rankled. He’d have to protest on your biscuit jar again later, that would teach you._ _

__“We still have time before Joe comes to pick us up, so let’s go put up your missing notice.” you tell him as he refuses to even look at the biscuit traitor._ _

__You plopped him onto the ground to put up the notice before returning to your predesignated meeting spot._ _

__“Hey! How’d it go?” Joe asked as you hopped into his car a few minutes later._ _

__“Great, no health problems at all. Oh, and I thought of a place we could try too, this new noodle bar down the street? I have free coupons!” you suggest as he quickly agrees._ _

__Tarn scoffs, noodles were beneath him but if you mortals wanted to spend the few short years of life filling your stomachs with trash then so be it._ _

__“You going to leave him the car?” Joe asked as he parked, indicating to Tarn as he gave an offended squawk, a growl rising in his chest._ _

__How _dare_ he? He wasn’t a bag of groceries! He was your esteemed guest, and if you were getting noodles, so was he! How rude not to invite him! What an absolute troglodyte!_ _

__“I think he wants to come along.” You reply, smoothing his feathers as he attempts to peck your friend when he gets close. “Hey! Stop that!”_ _

__Hmph. He’d get him one day…_ _

__“That chicken is a real menace.” Your friend whined from a safe distance, and you gave him an apologetic smile._ _

__“I’m really sorry, he’s normally very well behaved though I assure you.” (Name) responded placidly as they found a seat outside at the venue._ _

__You quickly moved the salt shaker onto the neighbouring table before you sat down, as Tarn narrows his eyes, giving a questioning peep._ _

__“Joe’s allergic to salt grains.” You explain as Tarn looks at you suspiciously._ _

__Oh this is just _grand_ , he hopes you know just how naive he thinks you are because who had ever heard of a human being allergic to salt? You mortals lathered it onto everything you ate, especially that detestable _fast food_ that had appeared recently. Now Joe wasn’t some gross human, he was some gross Fae. Great._ _

__And why hadn’t he been given a chicken chair? He couldn’t see the table top or menu clearly from his seat since it was designed for humans!_ _

__“Bok!” he snapped with annoyance, (Name) could be so thoughtless sometimes._ _

__“What’s wrong, buddy?” you asked curiously, as if it wasn’t completely obvious._ _

__He sighed, but what could one expect from mortals in the end. He had to do everything himself these days. Hopping up onto their leg, he flapped his way onto the table top._ _

__“No! Come on, you can’t be up there.” You scold, scooping him back into his seat as he trills in protest._ _

__“Bok!”_ _

__He grabs the menu angrily with his beak, pulling it down onto his seat._ _

__“…The demon bird wants a sacrifice…” hisses Joe in a hushed whisper as you roll your eyes._ _

__“Joe, I love you man but you gotta stop with the demon bird stuff.” You say as you hail the wait staff. “Hi! May I get a highchair, please?”_ _

__Finally…Primus, no wonder humans never got anything done, thought Tarn. Besides, he was deserving of a so-called ‘highchair’, he was more powerful than everyone in this room combined. Seated on his throne at last, he perused his menu while (Name) and Joe shared the remaining one._ _

__“I think I’ll have Noodle Set 5.” Joe said as you nodded, getting up to order at the counter._ _

__Tarn gave a short incensed screech. Excuse you, he hadn’t given you his order yet? But he was a forgiving Fae, so he wouldn’t punish you for your forgetfulness this time. Haughtily, he tapped at the picture he wanted._ _

__“Uh…you can’t eat noodles buddy, it probably isn’t healthy for you. Why don’t you get this salad and rice bowl instead?” you suggest as he scoffs, ruffling his feathers._ _

__Unbelievable, then why did you guys decide to go to a noodle place if you _knew_ he wouldn’t be able to order anything? As if you would choose to go to Lobster Bar and Grille if your friend was allergic to seafood. Completely inconsiderate._ _

__“Don’t feed him raw meat (Name)…he’ll become a cannibal and eat us in our sleep…” warned Joe ominously from across of you._ _

__“Joe, please. The last time I checked, we were not chickens so he can’t cannibalise us. I’m going to go order now, okay?”_ _

__As soon as your back was turned, he flicked his attention to Joe, growling. The other Fae quickly grabbed the salt shaker to defend himself._ _

__“Don’t think I won’t!” he threatened, carefully holding the opening away from him._ _

__While salt was _uncomfortable_ for him to deal with in his root mode given that he was such a powerful Fae, he didn’t know if it would hurt him in his current form. He puffed his feathers, getting ready to scream and peck Joe’s face raw should he be assaulted in this humble restaurant while minding his own business._ _

__“Please don’t salt my chicken. I just washed him yesterday.”_ _

__Oh good, (Name) was back. He clucked, scrambling out of his seat to get a hug from them. It was the least they could do after all the offenses they had committed against him, and by how much stress they had put him under by hanging around Joe. He cooed peacefully when he finally received the affection he deserved, throwing Joe a scathing look over his shoulder._ _

__“Did you see that? Your chicken is planning my demise, he’s going to claw my heart out! Then who will protect me?”_ _

__Tarn purred happily, at least Joe was aware of his impending doom._ _

__(Name) sighed._ _


	5. Chapter 5

“I’ve named him Damus!”

“That’s…that’s nice. How did you pick that name?” asked Joe in an unusually skittish way, he’d been awfully nervous around your chicken since it had savaged him.

“Actually, he picked it out himself! Typed it right onto my laptop when I went to make dinner.” You replied proudly, stroking your chicken as he clucked ominously at your friend.

“I don’t know any Damus’, that’s good…” he replied with a sigh of relief.

“Well, it’s a pretty rare name if one at all, I mean I think he just pecked randomly at the shiny keys.” 

You said factually, noticing that your chicken was still glaring daggers at Joe.

“Oh no, oh I don’t think he did (Name).” you friend mutters, avoiding eye contact with the ‘demon bird’.

“Are you seriously still on about that?” you say exasperatedly as Joe flares up.

“(Name) the evidence is all there! You have to be blind not to see it, he’s a demon bird!” he protests desperately, jabbing an accusing finger at your rooster.

“You should start a Youtube channel, post all your conspiracy videos up. I’m sure there are people out there who need validation for their own theories.” You tease with a laugh but Joe is still edging around his own house like the floor is eggshells. 

“Hey, are you alright? Let’s forget about it. Maybe we should go get some ice scream or something, you’ve been so anxious lately. Come on, I have some at my place, we can watch a movie too and you can sleepover if you want!”

“What about the demon bird? Did anyone call to claim him, are you dropping it off at the adoption center soon?” questioned Joe as he refused to turn his back to your chicken.

“No, I’m keeping Damus. He can watch with us if he wants.” You answer patiently as your rooster gives an irritated huff.

“Can he not, he really creeps me out.” Muttered Joe sulkily.

“Well he gets bored easily and starts screaming for attention, so really the movie is in everyone’s best interests. I’ll make him promise not to attack you.” You reply as evenly as you can, trying to balance Joe’s fear of the chicken with Damus’ need for constant attention.

“Your chicken is so much work…”

“You’re not allowed to attack Joe, if you do you don’t get to watch the movie, okay?” you address Damus, making him look you in the eye.

“Bok!”

“That’s a yes, let’s go!”

A few minutes later, the three of you are seated on your couch with a case of DVD’s open on the floor. While it’s not your favourite genre, you’ve somehow ended up watching some horror movie at your chicken’s insistence.

“It’s because he wants new torture ideas…” your neighbour told you quietly as you handed him a bowl of popcorn.

“Okay, Joe.”

Damus nestles into your lap, having received his own chicken-friendly bowl of snacks. He chirps as the screen comes to life. Predictably, watching such a movie as its getting dark outside frightens you and Joe to pieces. As the monster creeps towards the unsuspecting victim, haunting mask devoid of emotion and streaked with blood you look away, Joe has long since covered his eyes. Staring down at your lap where your chicken currently resides, you find him glued to the screen. Damus’ eyes are unblinking as you can hear the poor person in the movie get killed in some presumably horrific manner. He chuckles.

“Joe, I think maybe you are right. He is totally into it…” you mutter quietly to your friend who hisses something that sounds like ‘finally’.

“I’m not going to be able to sleep tonight, because of this.” He complains quietly as your chicken gives an admonishing cluck, as if you’re talking too loudly in a theatre.

“Come on, let’s go watch funny Youtube videos to calm down.” You whisper as you plop your chicken off your lap and sneak away into your bedroom with Joe.

The two of you are half way through ‘Funny Animal Compilation #23’ when an irritated ‘bok’ rouses you from the laptop. Damus scampers over and seats himself on your lap again, apparently cross about having been ditched or maybe annoyed that he ran out of snacks. Who knew, he was eternally displeased. Luckily, a few minutes of petting tended to improve his mood.

“You want to go wash up first? I’ll set up some bedding on the couches and we can sleep in the living room.” You offer as Joe nods, glad to have a door between him and your demon bird.

“Did you like the movie?” you ask Damus who takes a snap at your finger, almost as if to scold you for making him watch it alone. “Hey, but you get my bed all to yourself tonight, though! Joe and I will be sleeping on the couches.”

He gives a haughty trill, as though expecting a better reward. You sigh and place him down so you can set up the bedding. Your chicken follows you about the whole time, clucking disapprovingly as if making beds is beneath him (despite the fact that it was you, not him making the beds).

“Goodnight, sleep well, buddy.” You wish him, planting a little kiss on his head as he squawks indignantly. 

You tuck your chicken in before brushing your teeth and cleaning up.

“No joke, Joe, you gotta tell me what face products you’re using.” You said as you settled down onto your couch, shutting off the lamp.

“Uh…I just get the one that’s on sale in the supermarket each week.” Joe replies from somewhere to your right.

“Are you serious? Your genes must be on point then because I’ve known you for years and you look the same. You’re like those celebrities that never age.” You reply, envying his effortlessly youthful look.

He looks vaguely panicked for a moment before turning away to hide his face, as you laugh a little at his response.

“Hey, it was a joke. That’s a good thing! You’ll be like those old people who can still run marathons!” you tease as he gives a muffled ‘uh huh’.

“I guess, but I don’t really want to stand out. I moved here so I’d be able to live peacefully and all, you know?” he responded, uncharacteristically serious.

“Oh, I don’t think people are going to give you grief for…looking young?” you venture uncertainly as he breathes a sigh of relief.

“That’s good to hear, sometimes it’s hard to know what people here will take offense to.” He mumbles as you remember that you don’t know a lot about where Joe came from.

“You worry a lot, huh? Are you alright?”

“Yeah, just sometimes…well I feel like I can’t leave my past behind. And I think about how in a few years, everything will be different. You’ll grow older, and I’ll be alone again…” he confesses as you try to understand his concerns, he hadn’t really spoken this frankly to you before.

“Do you want to talk about it? Your past? I mean, we’ll still be friends in a few years, we can grow into old potatoes together. Why, is something happening?” you ask nervously, starting to be put on edge by the conversation.

“No, nothing is happening, it’s always been like this. I…maybe some other time, thank you though.”

“I’m here for you, so if there’s anything I can do you’ll let me know, right?”

“Yeah, thank you.”

You waited a few moments longer, but he doesn’t speak again so you turn over and let yourself drift off. When you awake the next morning, you’re aware firstly that there is a fluffy bundle of black feathers snoring on your chest. The second thing you notice, is that said feathery menace is responsible for the numerous new holes in Joe’s shoes. Finally, the third thing that becomes clear to you is that your neighbour seems to have aged significantly overnight. You decide not to act or comment on the last one.

“I’m really sorry, Joe. I’ll pick up another pair of shoes for you when I go shopping next week.” You apologise as the demon bird screeches in the bathroom you locked him in.

“It’s alright, I had a feeling this might happen. I wore my worst pair so they probably already had about 25% of the holes anyway.” He replied in a resigned voice, inspecting the damage. “I mean, you only made him promise not to attack me…”

“I’ll be sure to specify every rule next time like I’m making a deal with the devil…”

“That’s because you _are_.” Joe muttered as you waved goodbye from your front door.


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Y'all thought I wouldn't yandere the chicken, but I would. I can and I did :)

There seemed no end to the rudeness of humans, first they would agree to partake in activities together with him then abandon him half way through. He had lowered himself to watch an almost comedic movie with these two and in return he had just left him there. As for that Fae ‘Joe’ as he called himself, there really was no excuse. Once he was back in his true form, he was going to get a lecture from Tarn.

He fluffed himself, thinking back on something that Fae had said though. Human mortality. If (Name) died before he managed to turn back, he’d have a problem. Not that he particularly cared about some random human, but they did feed and give him a place to sleep. But that was no defence for how patronising they were! They _dared_ to kiss him and tuck him into bed! _Him_! One of the most feared Decepticons in history! He growled, absolutely repulsive! They didn’t even ask his consent!

But it did feel _kind_ of nice…

No! What was he thinking! This was all a colossal trap, he should end them before it got to his head. He flared his magic in frustration, but the only thing that happened was the cookie tin on the top shelf toppled over. He was too lost in thought even for almond biscuits right now though. Could he kill them? Could he bring himself to slaughter (Name)? Why did that thought bring him no joy? In fact, it brought an ache to his heart…

How long had it been since someone had so guilelessly bestowed love and affection on him? So fearlessly and freely given fondness and warmth. They _did_ practically concede to all his whims where they could…

He was doing it again! The pit was deeper than he feared, and his chicken self was too enamoured to escape. He needed to return to the _Peaceful Tyranny_ as soon as he could, he was already behind on The List! That would set him straight, some good old hunting. Yet, when he really focused, he found that such things had a disappointing lack of fulfilment. Certainly he loved the thrill of the chase, the kill, the power he held over other Fae but…if he were to die tomorrow and look back on his life, it wasn’t these things that would bring him comfort.

The thought of Megatron, perhaps brought him a degree of conviction. The Decepticon cause. Yet he found himself reflecting on his current life. He could get used to some aspects of it. Getting pampered everyday, knowing he was loved and cherished for who he was and not his achievements or capabilities. Not having responsibilities or the stress associated with upholding the Decepticon cause and murdering traitors, not having to uphold a façade for his division. Getting to eat and sleep whenever he wanted. These things he had to admit were good…he wanted to keep them.

He snuggled his way under (Name)’s arm, giving a soft coo to prompt them for pets. When they didn’t deliver, he gave a louder, more insistent squawk and fluffed his feathers. He huffed, he shouldn’t have to call a _third_ time…

“Bok!”

“What is it, Tarn?” you grumbled as he poked you with his beak irritably. “Can’t you roost without being petted for once?”

No, he absolutely could not. Being petted felt nice and he was determined to optimise all his time wisely. If he were to be trapped in this chicken shape, then affection was to be in order. In any case, you had been selfish with the pets recently, given that you didn’t pet him the night Joe stayed over. Really, that Fae was such a meddlesome piece of work and deserved a greater punishment than destroyed shoes.

“Bok!” he repeated as you gave him a few tired strokes before trying to get to sleep yourself, only to be jabbed again by his pointy beak.

“You’re a real tyrant, you know that?” You complain as you resign yourself to petting your bully of a chicken until he falls asleep.

“Coo…” he agreed with a nod, content now that your tender ministrations had been resumed.

He wondered what others would say if they could see him now, letting a human touch him like this. They’d probably lose respect for him, he could already see their disgusted expressions. Who could blame them? Fraternising with humans was something he had only recently decided was not punishable by death. That was what the Fae responsible for his chicken form had been on The List for. He grumbled, while he wouldn’t kill them for associating with mortals, he would still murder them for turning him into a chicken.

Still, he was contending with the problem on how to be loved once he returned to his shadow demon state. He knew humans did not take kindly to that form. He couldn’t stay here with (Name), the Decepticons needed him. But…perhaps they could stay on the _Peaceful Tyranny_ with him. Logically, they only worked to survive it seemed and he knew he would easily be able to attain the items necessary to sustain them in his realm. This way, he could have the best of both worlds. He might even bring Joe along, for he knew you favoured that Fae and he could be used to ensure you still treasured him.

He looked at you, hand still resting on his back as you fell back into your dreams. While you had been required to pet him until _he_ fell asleep, he couldn’t bring himself to rouse you again. You must be tired he concluded, after all, you were only human.


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My jimmies were so rustled at having the fic end on an odd number of chapters I had to slide another episode in >>

Tarn chuckles to himself as he sits on your pillow, watching you and your disgusting neighbour frantically search your house for Joe’s phone. You’ve tried calling it but it won’t ring because Tarn turned it off and promptly tossed it into a ditch outside, proceeding to cover it with leaves.

“Not to worry, we’ll find it eventually I’m sure. Maybe you left it at work?”

“No, I definitely brought it over. I left it on the counter…your demon bird has probably disposed of it by now.” Joe grumbled as you deadpanned, but you didn’t want start on this topic again.

“Damus! Did you steal Joe’s phone.” You ask, picking him up and staring straight into his beady little eyes.

He shakes his head. He didn’t _steal_ it, he merely threw it away.

“That’s too specific, ask him if he knows where it is.” Joe suggested with a shrewd expression as Tarn glared at him (alas he was out of pecking range).

“Well? Do you know where Joe’s phone is?” you press as he scoffs, he doesn’t have to reply to mere mortals.

“He does! See, before he clearly said no but now he won’t reply. You pile of slag…” muttered Joe indignantly.

“Hey! Don’t curse at my chicken.” You snap as Tarn gives your friend the smarmiest look he has ever seen, jerk…

“Now Damus, if you know where Joe’s phone is you have to tell me, okay?” you tell him as he shakes his head, sorry but you’d only tell give it back to your gross neighbour.

“Give me back my phone, Damus!” Joe protests as your chicken ignores him, just continues staring sweetly up at you.

Suddenly, you plop him down on your couch and vanish into the kitchen. You return with the tin of almond biscuits and Damus’ eyes brighten as he straightens up. Eagerly, he scampers over to where you’re sitting, clucking to be pulled up to table height.

“I’m sorry, but bad chickens just don’t get to eat almond biscuits.” You reply, opening the container and eating one yourself. “In fact, we only have a few left and I think Joe and I will just have to finish them all since no one else can have any.”

He screeches angrily, pecking at your leg but you just bite into another one. What a glutton! Why must humans consume everything? He started to flap and scratch more urgently when you shook the tin and he heard that there really were only one or two left in there. No! His biscuits!

“Ready to tell me where Joe’s phone is now?” you asked politely as he growled, nodding grudgingly.

He stalked out into the yard as you followed with a grin, staring confusedly as he points into the ditch.

“Why did you do that though? How did you even get it in there.” you ask as you resign yourself to poking around the drain with a stick.

He gives an airy ‘bok’, because Joe deserves it clearly. You finally manage to sweep the leaves away and catch sight of a colourful phone cover. Quickly grabbing a gardening glove in case there’s something sharp in there, you reach in and grab it. Predictably, it’s filthy.

“Well, well look what the chicken dragged in.” you say upon returning to your house with your prize, chicken on your heels trilling expectantly for his treat.

“Lucky you have a cover like this, we can just wipe it clean or get a new one…What are you doing?” you ask, spotting him gobbling down a biscuit as fast as he could.

Joe freezes, in the process of eating the last almond cookie from your tin.

“Oh sorry, did you want the last one?” he asked as you shook your head with a laugh.

Tarn on the other hand, was furious. How _dare_ that traitor take what was his? He screamed and lunged at your neighbour who gave a startled yelp and ran for your mop. Not that it deterred the angry rooster who began flapping up to peck and claw at his legs. He would end this fool once and for all!

“That’s what you get for hiding my phone!” yelled Joe, dodging another attack as the two of them ran around your house. “Stay back, demon! We don’t reward scumbag behaviour in this abode!”

“Stop it, both of you!” you shout, attempting to reign your chicken in even as he refuses to stop chasing Joe around.

A well placed mop to the face manages to stay him long enough for you to capture him in your arms, still struggling and shrieking with fury. You stroke his long black feathers and bounce him, walking away to your bedroom so he can’t see Joe. He nearly pecks you but seems to think twice, still screeching but at least not whacking you with his wings.

“Shh, it’s okay buddy. It’s okay Damus, I’ll tell you a secret. That wasn’t the last biscuit. When I went to the kitchen earlier I took out some and hid it so that it would look like the tin was near empty.” You told him as he whipped around to stare at you.

You liar. You had tricked him!

“See? I’m always thinking of you, I wouldn’t let you go without your biscuits.” (Name) murmured quietly as he settled down grouchily, what he wouldn’t give for his true form right now.

“But don’t tell Joe, okay? We don’t want him to think I condone you stealing his phone, which I don’t by the way. Don’t do that anymore.” You scold him sternly as he huffs, frowning and refusing to be supplicated by your pets.

“Alright, he’s all good now.” You say to your friend once you emerge from your room, your neighbour is busy inspecting his phone.

“Cool, sorry for riling him up but he kind of deserved it.” Joe replied sulkily as your chicken snarled, puffing himself up in irritation.

“Don’t say things like that!” you hiss as your neighbour starts edging towards the door in preparation for chicken run round two.

“Okay, okay…but it’s the truth.” He mumbled darkly, putting his shoes on. “I might go back and wash this up.”

“Sure, see you around!”

The moment Joe has left to attend to his phone you chicken starts tugging insistently on your shirt, clucking repeatedly. You smile, kissing his little head and retrieving the biscuits as he snuggles into your arms. You know it’s bad to reward him after the fiasco he caused, but you can’t resist his cute face as he munches happily on his baked goods.


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Blitzing this fic, because I want it donneeee xD

You’re busy grilling some vegetables for dinner with Joe when he suddenly straightens up, seeming to steel himself for something. He looks you straight in the eye as you awkwardly stare back.

“(Name), I must speak with you in private.” He told you sternly as you blinked, taken aback by the urgency of his tone.

“Um okay, go ahead.” You replied, turning off the heat and washing your hands.

“No, without the demon bird present.” He insisted as you glanced at your rooster.

Damus flipped his head around and gave an angry squawk, settling himself down more firmly on his chicken chair he liked sitting on for meals. But Joe seemed very wound up, so carefully you gathered your pet up into your arms and deposited him onto your bed. He gave a loud trill before flapping wildly then escaping back into the main room.

Eventually though, you were victorious. Operation lock chicken in your bedroom was successful.

“(Name). I have to tell you something.” Joe told you solemnly, sitting down across of your dining table while Damus screamed in your bedroom.

You leaned forward anxiously, waiting in trepidation.

“My true name isn’t Joe, it’s actually Steve.” He whispered as you blinked owlishly.

“Oh. Okay.” You replied after a moment of silence, not sure what to do with this new information. Honestly, this was slightly anti-climatic.

“I don’t remember my original name, so I chose one I had seen on a billboard. For all intents and purposes, it is my true name now. I am _trusting_ you with it, okay?” he continued blabbering nervously as you nodded, seeing how important this was to him.

“Alright, I understand. When did you forget your name, and should I call you Steve from now on?”

“SHHhh! Not so loud! Your chicken might hear!” he hissed aghast, as you flinched from the fear on his face. “You can’t just go around giving my true name out, Primus…and you definitely are not allowed to use it around your demon bird!”

“Okay, I won’t…thank you for trusting me with this.” You reply as seriously as you can, trying to hide your bewilderment because Joe had always been a little strange. Loveable, but weird.

“I’m not done! I am also…a Fae.” He continues after a deep breath.

“Oh, you mean like a magical creature?” you reply after some hesitation, not wanting to hurt his feelings with your confusion.

“Yes…and I’m telling you now, so is your chicken! You have to get rid of it before something awful happens! While you still have power over him!” he quickly advised, gesturing frantically to your bedroom where surprisingly, Damus had shut up.

“Hey, Fae can’t be so bad if you’re one! Maybe he’ll be our new friend!” you joke to lighten the mood but your friend narrows his eyes sharply instead.

“No! No, (Name) you need to destroy him because he is darkness and death! I can sense it, he’s something terrible and evil. He’s probably listening in right now.” He warns ominously, and you can tell he’s dead serious.

“Joe, I can’t kill my pet, that’s cruel and I love him. If you don’t like him I’ll make sure he’s tucked away when you come over.” You reply, starting to feel quite out of your depth.

“You have to (Name), if you don’t, I will. It’s for the good of all Fae and humans.” He informs you plainly as you look at him aghast.

“Dude, you are not murdering my chicken. Look, I believe that you believe you are um…a Fae but I really can’t condone you hurting Damus.” You tell him sharply, becoming upset with this conversation.

“(Name) he’ll destroy your life for thousands of years…I checked with someone.” He cautioned darkly as you took a moment to process his words.

“They said my chicken would destroy my life for— I’m not even going to be around in a thousand years so I wouldn’t be too worried about that. Who did you ask anyway?”

The local $2 per consultation circus seer?

“Fae live for thousands of years, we are practically immortal (Name). There have been stories of humans who eat Fae food and become trapped in our realms, they live far longer than any mortal should.” He replied shortly as you recalled fairy tales that had the same line of reasoning.

“That sounds scary, but I can’t kill my chicken nor let you kill him. It’s innocent until proven guilty, I’m sorry.” You respond firmly, because that really was the crux of the matter. Who knew your friend and chicken hated each other this much.

“(Name), please I’m begging you!”

“I-I can’t. It wouldn’t be right. But if you really feel so strongly about this…I’ll look for a new home for him so that he’ll be far away.” You hesitantly concede, not wanting to lose Damus but recognising that Joe absolutely did not want him around.

“I suppose that is a compromise…it’s better than nothing.” He muttered as your shoulders sagged at the thought of giving away your pet.

You two turn upon hearing the sound of a lock turning, and are startled by the sight of Damus by your open bedroom door. You had definitely locked him in.

“He’s already getting his magic back! (Name), there’s not much time!” hissed Joe as your chicken came scampering into your arms, he seemed particularly incensed by your neighbours presence today.

“Shh, shh it’s okay. It’s just Joe, everything will be okay.” You assure him, as he squawks suspiciously, your friend has stalked away to the kitchen by now.

“Hey how about an almond biscuit, would you like that? Also, when did you learn to unlock doors?” you asked as he stared at you flatly, as if it were _obvious_.

You stroke him sadly, you had only had him a few months but you had become very fond of him. He was the smartest chicken you had ever met and you didn’t want to have to say goodbye. You supposed if he was a Fae, you’d have to say goodbye eventually. He poked you with his beak, and it was then you remembered you hadn’t gotten him his cookie. You set him down and duck away to your kitchen to grab the tin.


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My 0-100 chapter xD

You caught the bus to town, chicken propped up so he could look out the window as the road whizzed past. You hopped off at your stop.

Damus gave a cute little ‘bok’ in your arms, peering up at you with trusting red eyes in the chicken-sized knit he liked to wear. Red eyes were a little creepy you supposed, but it was kind of cool too…It wasn’t really particularly healthy for him to be wearing a chicken sweater either but you think that today, you’ll let him have that. Last night you had fed him the most lavish meal you could afford with all the things he liked too, mainly bloody meat and almond biscuits. From how happily he had gobbled it all up, you hope he had a good time. You hadn’t told him anything about today naturally because you knew he’d have a fit. You kissed the top of his head sadly as he fluffed himself contently.

“Now Damus, I want you to be a good boy for me okay?” you murmur softly as he gives a indignant huff, turning away from you petulantly. “You’ll just be here for a little while until I get back.”

“Bok?”

“Yes, these are good people. You’ll be among your own kind and won’t have to be trapped in the tiny house I’ve got! Won’t that be nice!” you advertised brightly as he ruffled his feathers in annoyance and looking at you suspiciously. He _thought_ he’d made his opinion on being given away clear, and you had assured him the other day that everything was fine.

“Bok!”

“Hi, are you (Name)?” a voice asks as you look up to see the person you planned to meet.

A broody growl could be heard from your chicken as he glared at the stranger, irritated by their presence. You bounced him a little reassuringly.

“Yup, that’s me and this is Damus. He’s a little shy so maybe don’t try to touch him at the beginning?” you advised as they nodded.

“That’s fine, I brought a carrier to move him about in. He looks really cuddly towards you though, so I’m sure he’ll warm up soon enough.”

Damus gave you an annoyed and affronted look when his new owner brought forward a cage, snuggling against your sweater. Oh no, he trusts you not to let him be put in there. Sighing, you pull him away from your body slightly so you can talk to him.

“Damus, I love you buddy but you know it’s not ideal for you to be apart from your own kind. I can’t socialise with you when I’m at work and the house doesn’t have enough space for you to run around. So these lovely friends of mine are going to take you to their farm where you’ll have a coop and yard space and lots of lady hens.”

_Is this some form of joke? You think that after I’ve finally deigned to accept you, that you may just cast me aside like this? Me? It is that Fae’s fault isn’t it? He put you up to this…I will gut him. You better not think I will let them take me, my power returns by the day._

That was…strange. It was almost as though someone had communicated those thoughts to you. Joe and his conspiracy theory ways were getting to you…But back to the matter at hand, Damus is staring blankly at you, long enough that you think it’s okay to start slowly lifting him towards the carrier. It was absolutely not okay.

He starts struggling and screaming in fury and rage, the ear-splitting sound so dissonant and harsh that it _hurts_. Not just emotionally either, it _physically_ feels like your heart is getting compressed. You think you can hear glass shattering from the pitch. You only barely stop yourself from covering your ears since you’d have to drop your chicken.

“Damus, stop it! Behave!” you yell over his shrieking, trying to get him to close his beak but he won’t listen. “I’m sorry, but this is for your own good! Damus, stop!” he’s grabbed your sweater with his claws now, so you can’t even put him down.

“Stop Damus! That hurts!” you cry out as he finally, finally goes silent, dark feathers flared so much it looks like shadows are emanating from him. You heart beat returns to it’s normal pace, quicker than usual to make up for the sudden torpor.

“What the hell was that?” the buyer asked warily, having covered their ears to protect themselves from his weaponized vocal cords.

The head and taillights of their car had been blown out, leaving broken glass on the road as the two of you plus your chicken took in the scene.

“I…I don’t know. This has never happened before.” You admit nervously, still trying to calm your racing heartbeat.

 _I warned you...although I do apologise if my voice hurt you. I didn't realise my Outlier ability was coming back online._ That weird head voice was back again.

“I…um don’t think that chicken wants to be separated from you.” They awkwardly noted as Damus clucked darkly in agreement.

“…Yeah, uh sorry about your car. I’ll cover the cost.” You offer with a sigh, taking out your phone to take pictures of the damage. You don’t think that insurance will cover the cost of screaming chicken attacks, probably file it under “acts of God”.

Your chicken coos quietly, still fuming but seemingly content to sit in your arms now that he’s not at risk of being taken away. You remember Joe’s dark prophecy and feel a chill run down your spine. But he’s just a chicken, right? What were you going to do? He was dangerous…should you just drop him off back in the forest? Now he knew where you lived though…and you still cared about him. You didn’t want him to get eaten, you supposed you ought to have discussed this with Damus beforehand. Yes, that sounded like a good idea. You’d talk to him and let him pick a new family or farm of his choice.

“Right well, I’ll be in contact.”


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> When your chicken starts talking and you're like...wait what?

When the car bill came in, you nearly fainted, double checking the figures and finding that at least your buyers had found as cheap an auto-repair store as they could for reasonable quality. Still, you organised extra late shifts at your workplace so that you could pay it back quicker. Damus had also become even clingier, absolutely needing to be carried everywhere, including your workplace lest he scream the entire 8+ hours you were at work. He was well behaved at least and just sat in the corner watching you but still. You even had to bring an entire towel for him because he refused to sit on the floor or directly on tables. He demanded pettings (after you washed your hands) during your breaks.

“I’m sorry I tried to give you away without discussing it with you first, but you’ll be so much happier at a farm! You’ll get to crow all day and no one will mind, you’ll have lots of chicken friends and hens, a lovely coop and lots of food and space to run around in. Plus, I’ll let you choose where you want to go, we can even interview the people if you want.” You assured him as brightly as you could, given your tired and overworked state.

He glared, grabbing your shirt with his claws in what you had come to recognise was a ‘I’m staying right here with you’ gesture.

You sighed, unhooking his claws and getting up to make yourself a coffee. You were too tired for this. You guzzled down your brew, hoping it would carry you through the rest of the evening. Trundling back to your seat, you prepared to finish up the last bit of paperwork and housekeeping that you had signed up for. Damus was sitting on your stack of papers imperiously, somehow managing to have dragged his towel up there. You blink in surprise. Your administrative work is done, you flick through all the files but every entry port is filled with the correct information. There’s no one else here but you. Did you already do it earlier? No…you definitely did not.

“Bok.”

“Damus, did you do this?”

He nods as you gape, unable to comprehend what is happening. How did you chicken complete your work? You quickly jot down the time, wondering whether you should ask security to check the footage. Sure, it was great that you could go home now but at the same time…what else could this chicken do?

_Good administration will be the key to the success or failure of a cause._

Okay, so far you were aware that he could shatter glass, unlock doors, take your job, and possibly speak to you psychically. This was getting out of hand. You didn’t even know how to begin to address this, but when in doubt one could always pass the problem along. He needed to be rehomed ASAP.

Pulling up a bunch of chicken farms on your screen, you positioned Damus in front of them.

“I’m going to flick through and you tell me which one catches your eye, okay?” you tell him as you start to scroll.

His only reply is to turn around so he’s facing you, fluffy back to the monitor.

“Damus, I can’t keep you. _Please_ , don’t make this difficult.” You pleaded as he scoffed, kneading his towel with his feet.

_Why exactly can I not stay? You were perfectly fine before Joe had that conversation with you, then you were excessively sweet for a while. Guilt, I presume for your subsequent attempt to abandon me. Absolutely not, I will stay no where but in your house with you._

You stare at him, and he stares back. Is he…talking to you? Hesitantly, you continue this conversation with the weird thoughts in your mind.

“I have financial issues. Now that I have to cover the car bill as well, and the cost of new shoes, I don’t think I’ll be able to afford to keep you in good conditions.” You reason as he flares his feathers.

_Oh (Name), you tried to get rid of me before the car issue, so clearly the root of the problem is something else. Rest assured, I will pay you back if money is the concern._

This was _insane_ , you quickly look around to double check that no one is around. You know you’re the last one here but still, these days you don’t know what you know. You feel awkward carrying on this conversation though, and given that you’re pretty much done for the day and Damus won’t pick a new home, you pack up.

_Poor mortals, chained to their corporate masters for the short few years they do have. Not to worry, soon I shall help free you._

Damus clucked sagely as you picked up your bag. This whole experience was pretty surreal and you didn't quite know what to think.

“Doesn’t it…feel strange to be carried around by me?” you venture as he glares, tapping his claw impatiently.

_Yes (Name), but I tolerate it along with many other things you do because I've somehow grown fond of your presence. For you, I endure the disrespect since you aren't the one responsible for this disaster after all. Now if you please, I wish to return home. Do appreciate the latitude I extend to you, for I offer it to few._

Well, at least his attitude as a chicken matched his words. Muttering under your breath (your chicken is kind of a jerk), you bend down with the towel in your grasp so he can hop on. As you make your way to the bus stop, you can already be sure that you’ve earned the name “the chicken passenger” by the regulars. At least tonight, there’s not many people to give you funny looks.

It’s still a long walk to your house though, which is at the end of the street. Approaching, you notice a man hovering about your porch.

“(Name)? Where have you been! I haven’t seen you in ages, and what is _he_ doing here?” Joe asked, stepping away from your door upon catching sight of you walking up the path.

Your chicken snarled bitterly as the sight of your friend, as you bopped his beaked to calm him.

“Oh hey! Just been doing overtime at my workplace this week, thanks for checking in. Uh…Damus didn’t want to go with the buyers so we’re postponing the relocation.” You explain sheepishly as your chicken continues growling irately.

“There’s no time, he has to go _now_!” Joe protested frantically, and it seemed to you for a moment that his eyes were as red as your chicken’s.

“I know, I tried but he kind of…destroyed the headlights of my buyer’s car with his screaming.” You admitted as Damus gave a betrayed ‘bok’ that you had called him out like that.

“(Name) that’s even more reason to be rid of him, if he can do that now in this chicken form, can you imagine what he could do in his true form!? Probably destroy _us_ with his screaming! Shouldn’t we bind up his beak?” Your neighbour pressed as you sighed.

“I’m going to show him a bunch of people and let him choose, he’ll come around to the idea eventually. I think he was just surprised and thought he was being abandoned. I’m _not_ tying him up. I know this is a real hot button for you but do you mind getting on my case about it tomorrow? I’m tired, just want to eat, shower then sleep.” You say, gesturing to your door as he steps aside.

“Alright, I guess one extra day won’t change things too much. I brought over some dinner if you want.” Joe said, producing a Tupperware container with some packed meal in it. 

“Thank you! Looks delicious, coming in?” you tell him graciously, relieved that you won’t have to go through the trouble of cooking.

“Nah, you enjoy. See you tomorrow?”

“Yeah, goodnight.”


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The moment we've all been waiting for, where fluff dies and yandere begins xD

Another day, another dollar.

It had been a week since you’d met Joe, and Damus had yet to select a suitable new home. You didn’t know what to do. You walked along the side of the road tiredly, keeping an eye on the ground for potholes on your way home from work. The last thing you wanted was to trip and send Damus flying, he’d never forgive you. Speaking of which, said chicken was currently tucked against your arms sleeping soundly, emitting little snores. He was cute when he wasn’t being a whiny, pretentious child.

Suddenly, you heard a screech of tires as headlights flared behind you.

A car came barrelling down the road towards you, desperately swerving but it was too late. You don’t have time to do much more than chuck Damus to safety and shut your eyes on instinct as you brace for impact. You can’t tell who is screaming, probably your chicken as usual.

There’s a colossal crash as you hear the sound of metal crumpling, but feel no pain. Perhaps this was death…it doesn’t feel like it. In fact, it feels like you are pressed against warm feathers. Shakily, you peek out from beneath your lids to see a towering creature holding you carefully in their arms, peering down at you through a mask. You know he should be terrifying but you’re comforted by his strangely familiar presence.

Is it death?

You shut your eyes again, you don’t want to go so soon. The monster cradles you closer, pulling you against his neck and seeming to be checking you for injuries.

“(Name)? Are you alright? Please respond.” He prompts agitatedly as you blink slowly.

“Are you death?” you manage to murmur as his eyes seem amused.

“No, it’s me, Damus. Are you unhurt?” he asks, checking you over and finding your condition satisfactory.

Oh no, Steve was right. Your chicken really was a demon…you’re not exactly sure what to do now, at least he seems nice albeit his monstrous appearance.

“I’m okay…did you save me?”

He nods in affirmation, and it’s only then you notice a totalled car smashed against the power line pole. The driver looks slumped over and unconscious. You fidget and make a soft sound in the back of your throat as Damus follows your gaze.

“Don’t worry (Name), allow me to take care of that drunk driver.” He purrs soothingly, gently carrying you over to the vehicle as you two peer through the window.

The light inside seems to cast sharp and long shadows which dance ominously around his unconscious body. He’s stirring and groaning lowly.

“I better call the ambulance.” you suggest, looking around for your bag and spotting it on the ground some distance away.

“There’s no need. He’s dead.” Damus informed you brightly as you turned back to see the man crumpled onto the dashboard completely still.

You freeze.

“How did that happen? How do you know?” you whisper horrified.

“I can feel it, his heart has stopped beating.” He replies casually, straightening up with you in tow.

“We have to call the police…” you mutter shakily, as Damus fluffs his feathers nonchalantly.

“Of course, I’ve informed them. Now let’s go home, hm? You must be tired after today’s events.” He replies, bouncing you a little higher.

“How? When?” you ask, alarmed before you notice that the man’s phone had made the call.

“Just then. I dialled and spoke to the operator with the man’s voice. Don’t worry dear, it was an illusion but only for them, I didn’t want you to have to hear.”

“Don’t we have to wait for the police to arrive? We’ll need to give an account.”

“No, as far as they’re concerned, this drunk driver hit a pole and managed to call them before dying.”

“That’s not true though, that’s not what happened.” You interject sharply.

“No, but they will be none the wiser.”

Suddenly you don’t feel so safe anymore, that mask means you can’t tell when his lips are moving and by the sound of it, he can do some pretty impressive things with voice alone. You’re scared, he’s terrifying despite his kindness to you and you can’t help but feel like there are hidden terms and conditions you can’t see. You feel tears prick the corner of your eyes as the shock starts to wear off.

“Oh, poor (Name)…are you scared? Hush, I won’t let anyone hurt you…” he comforts you smoothly, tone molasses and honey.

You fidget and attempt to squirm out of his grasp unsuccessfully. He quietens you gently with soft words as he wipes away your tears, collecting your bag and walking down the street.

“I want to walk by myself please.” You say in a small voice.

“Let me carry you. You’ll be alright, I’m here now.” He insists gently.

He’s not listening to you! It makes panic rise in your chest the way he coddles you, not unlike his very own pet. You see your house come up and notice that he doesn’t even use your key to unlock the door, you suppose since he’s been invited in while a chicken, he feels happy to just stroll into your home.

“Damus, please put me down.” You repeated anxiously as he noted the concern in your voice.

Reluctantly, he set you lightly on your feet as you hurried into your room and slammed the door shut. You locked it even if you knew it would do little against him. What were you to do? Should you ask him to leave, would he even listen? Should you call the police? But then what could you report him for? Stopping you from staying until the cops arrived at the scene of the accident? There was something fishy about the whole thing to, how did that driver just die? He’d been stirring when you looked at him before. You needed to tell someone what had happened. Punching in the emergency number, you hide in your bathroom so Damus won’t be able to hear your call.

“Hello? I need to report an accident on—“

“(Name)! What are you doing? I already called, remember?”

Your blood runs cold, how is he on the other side of the line? Is this an illusion? Did you even actually call? How much of this is real?

“Someone has hit a power line and might be dead! We need an ambulance immediately off Fifth Ln.!” you shout frantically, desperate to inform the authorities.

“I know, I already told them~”

You hang up, then call again. 

“There’s been an accident and a man is seriously injured on Fifth Ln., please send an ambulance!”

“Shh, (Name) they’re dead. There’s no point sending medics now.” Damus says cheerily again through your phone and you scream.

He’s by your side instantly, crouching over you even as you shove him away.

“Get away from me! Why can’t I call the emergency line? What are you doing?” you cry desperately, nerves frayed.

“Hush, it’s better for you not to get wrapped up in some human issues like police questioning. It would be so stressful.” He soothes quietly, still reaching out for you with those razor talons.

“You’re stressful for me! Get out of my house! Get out!” you snap, swatting his hands away.

“…You don’t want me here?” he asks in a hurt voice and you honestly don’t know what he expected.

“No! You’re freaking me out!”

“You already invited me into your place though, this is my home too.”

“No, no it’s not! It was the home of my chicken, not you! Please leave!” you repeat wildly, scrambling to your feet.

There’s knocking at your door, as Damus and you both turn away from each other.

“(Name)? Hey, are you alright! I heard you screaming!”

“Well if it isn’t Steve~”

There’s something dangerous in his voice, it’s liquid poison and it sets off the warning bells in your mind. How did he even know your friend’s real name? Before you can react, your former pet has drawn himself up and answered the door.

“Hello, Steve.”

He’s frozen, terror painting his features like you’ve never seen before. His form is suddenly flickering as he’s cast under a shadow. When the cloud passes and moonlight illuminates his profile again, you notice that he looks otherworldly. Steve is a Fae indeed, purple plates, inhuman red eyes and silver face. 

“T-Tarn, sir—“

“Vehicons are normally beneath my notice, but I suppose a deserter is a deserter in the end. Have you been enjoying your stint in the human realm?” Tarn questioned overly politely.

“Sir! I was posted to the human world by the officers stationed on _The Nemesis_!” Joe hurriedly excused, eyes looking anywhere but at Tarn.

“Hmm, and you dare lie to me. Brave, but foolish—“

“Stop it, Tarn! Leave him alone!” you snarl, stepping in front of your friend protectively. “You’re not welcome here! Get. Out.”

“Oh sweetie, did Steve here teach you that trick? That you can simply tell a Fae to leave and they will? You don’t even have salt and iron, do you? On account of not burning your dear friend. Quite careless of you, hm? But not to worry, you have me now to protect you.” He assured you in a syrupy manner, sickly sweet.

“(Name), we need to run…” whispered Steve, as if you didn’t know that.

“That would be quite futile now, Vehicon. I never let traitors free.” He informed him pleasantly.

“Don’t hurt him, Tarn!”

“Oh? What will I get in exchange for not harming him now?” Tarn asked playfully, although you could sense the edge in his words.

“…What do you want?” you reply hesitantly.

“Don’t! Don’t promise him anything (Name), he’ll bind you forever!” hissed Steve from beside you, grabbing your arm.

“Nothing so much as that, I simply request that you stay with me~”

“H-how long?”

“How long would you like Steve to remain unharmed?”

And it was in that moment you truly understood why folktales warned of making deals with Fae. But there was no choice, was there? It had been you who wanted to keep the chicken, and your friend should not be punished for your mistakes.

“I-Alright, but promise you won’t hurt him even after I die. Humans are much shorter lived than Fae.” You agree slowly as you can feel him smile behind his mask.

“Oh, don’t you worry about that, (Name).”


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The plot chickens :> (thanks for the pun Jinx but also, its the worst xD)

You slowly wake, aware that your blanket has gotten significantly warmer and more feathery at some point overnight. You snuggle against it and hear a deep purr in response. _That_ jolts you awake, snapping your eyes open you see a black cloak draped over you. A very familiar black cloak.

You scream, kicking and tumbling out of bed as you grab your lamp as a weapon.

“What are you doing in my bed?!”

Tarn huffs, looking petulant at the rather rude awakening as he sits up.

“Sleeping, until a moment ago. It’s where I usually rest.” He replies sulkily as you gape, this monster still thinks he can strut around like an overgrown chicken.

“What is wrong with you? You can’t sleep in my bed!” you snap as he eyes your makeshift club.

“Why not? You used to be fine with it.” He replies easily, moping as he settles back under your covers.

“Yeah, you used to be about 5 kg and adorable too, now you’re a shadow demon. So, things are different clearly.” You growl, exasperated that you even have to explain this to him.

“Well, you don’t have to make such a mountain out of a molehill. Those are not such immense changes.” He responds with a frown as you glare at him.

You sigh, putting down your lamp and grabbing a blanket before shuffling to your couch. You knew there was no point arguing, it was like having a scumbag roommate who ate your food and slept on your stuff. You hoped your eternal companionship pact also allowed you to buy another bed because you didn’t want to be stuck on the couch forever…

Unfortunately, you soon realised that insufficient beds was not the problem. Upon waking, you find a certain house guest flopped contently over you sleeping peacefully.

“GET OFF, you can’t sleep on me, Tarn!” you yell, rolling him onto the floor as he gives a startled warble.

“That was uncalled for.” He admonishes, standing up and brushing himself off.

“Uncalled for?! You—! We need to set some house rules! First of all, you can’t sleep on me! You weigh a ton and you’re not a chicken anymore! Second, don’t harass Steve when you’re bored or ever! Third, don’t coerce, hurt or threaten people into doing things they don’t want to do! Honestly, this can all be summarised into stop being a creep!” you tirade at him, fed up and stressed with all the recent events.

He blinks owlishly at your outburst, before meandering off to the kitchen to get breakfast. You doubt he’s absorbed a word of meaning. At least he’s gone for now. 

“I’m going to see Joe.” you inform Tarn shortly, opening the door and gesturing down the road to your friend’s house as you put on your shoes.

“Oh, you haven’t heard? He moved out! Not sure when, didn’t he say bye to you?” the Fae replied brightly, seemingly very pleased with himself but feigning sorrow as he munched on the last of your biscuits.

“What? No! W-Wait, that can’t be…” you turn abruptly, running over to his house to check. “You promised you wouldn’t hurt him last night! You promised me, Tarn!”

“Why I only sensed that he wasn’t in his house, so one could guess that he had moved.” He replied pleasantly, as if your irritation was somehow unwarranted.

“What did you do to him! Tarn!”

“Nothing darling, I didn’t touch a hair on his head~ A Fae cannot break their promise.” He simpered in that annoying singsong voice.

“What did you do!? He would tell me if he was leaving!” you questioned again, starting to panic now.

His car was still parked along the curb, so you were sure he hadn’t left. But he didn’t come to the door when you knocked and his lights were all off when you peered in through the window.

“I guess he just didn’t value you as much as you valued him.” Tarn replied sympathetically, placing a clawed hand on your shoulder.

“That’s not true, we’ve been friends for years. I’m going to look for him.” You snap, darting back to your house to pack supplies.

“Hm, he’s probably gone back to the Fae realm if I had to guess.” The shadow demon suggested, trailing lazily after you.

“Are you sure? How can we check?” you pressed uncertainly, you had a bad feeling about this.

“I can take you to my realm, and then from there we can look for him. I’m very good at locating Fae.” he promised as you hesitated, but a lead was better than nothing.

“Fine.”

“Just right this way. Time moves much quicker in the Fae realms than here, so not long will have passed in the human world even if we spend days in the _Peaceful Tyranny_.” he let you know brightly as you did your best to remain civil, you needed him to find your friend.

“Is that your realm? Will we be able to travel to Steve’s realm from there?”

Tarn laughed, a harsh sounding bark of amusement.

“Oh (Name), Steve doesn’t have a realm…he’s a Vehicon. A deserter of the Decepticon army, at that.” He said lightly, although you sensed a hidden edge in his language.

“I don’t know what that means and I don’t care, he’s my friend and I’ll stand by him.” You retort fiercely as the demon smiles at you.

“It means he’s a traitor my dear (Name), he abandoned his fellow soldiers and cause to live among mortals in that hovel of a house he has. He ought to be brought to justice.”

“By who?”

“By me, darling. I run the Decepticon Justice Division and punish those who commit treason.” He tells you sweetly.

“You arrested Steve!? Why? He hasn’t done anything wrong! You promised me!” you protested as he fluffed himself.

“Hush (Name), there’s no need to get so worked up. I won’t do anything to him as long as you’re with me. Now, if you please.” He offers you his hand as a portal suddenly gapes open on your front porch.

You reluctantly take it, stepping through into darkness.


	13. Chapter 13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Y'all didn't think I'd pull a happy ending did you? BUT I DID.

“Tarn! There you are, where have you been? We were all so worried!”

Nickel paused, taking note of a smaller figure with him. A _human_. She frowned, while it had been strange that they had been ordered to collect a rogue Vehicon, given that Tarn could easily have handled that traitor himself…a human was even more perplexing. Kaon perked up beside her, tightening his hold on The Pet as the creature started forward eagerly with loud snuffles. Typical, he wanted another pet.

“I apologise for my absence, I was…indisposed after an altercation with a certain Fae. Rest assured, I plan to hunt him down the later and exact revenge. This human assisted me, and will be staying on board the _Peaceful Tyranny_ along with the Vehicon.” he explained in Cybertronian as Nickel flinched.

Why though? If he were grateful for their help, he would likely just let them live. Maybe toss them a piece of Fae gold or two. That would more than cover the cost of his treatment she was sure. There was more going on, perhaps he was running an experiment or something…

The Pet broke from Kaon’s leash, charging up to the human and playfully sniffing at their hands and stomach as they shrunk a little behind Tarn, pushing his nose gently away.

“Kaon, keep him under control.” He drawled as the other Fae nodded, quickly pulling his ‘sparkeater’ away much to his disappointment.

Tarn spoke softly to the human before leading them off down the walkway. The moment he vanished from view, Nickel rounded on Kaon angrily.

“What did you do? Why do we have so many pets now!” she growled as the blind Fae lifted his hands to pacify the mini-Fae.

“I promise it wasn’t me! _I_ would have chosen species more compatible with The Pet…” he muttered, although a human and a Vehicon were certainly better than nothing…

Kaon thought happily of all the new playmates his dear ‘sparkeater’ now had. This was a wonderful development! Nickel could see that she alone would have to be the one to confront Tarn about this, Kaon would be no help and the rest were taking a ‘not my problem’ approach to this. She walked through a series of rarely used corridors, hearing voices up ahead coming from an open door.

“So when will we start looking for Steve?” the human was asking apprehensively.

Steve? The Vehicon? He had already been captured as per Tarn’s instructions, in fact he was languishing in one of their guest room’s right now.

“I’ve already asked my team to keep an eye out for him, I’m sure he will be located shortly.” Tarn simpered in the softest tone Nickel had heard him use in a long time. “Do you like the room? You’ll be sleeping here during your stay.”

“Yes, it’s very nice. Thank you.” They replied politely as Nickel peered around the door.

Tarn would clearly have sensed her, but made a show of appearing surprised for some reason.

“Ah! Nickel, you’re just in time. I was wondering whether you could check up on (Name)’s health. Any news on Steve either?” he asked as the medic narrowed her optics.

“…Yes, Steve has been located. We’ve assigned him to a guest room.” She responded cautiously in Cybertronian as Tarn nodded.

“They think they may have a lead on your friend. We’ll investigate shortly.” He translates as you per up considerably.

“Let’s go see him then!”

“Let Nickel check your health first.” Tarn suggested as the human sat down again impatiently. “In any case, it’s too dangerous for you to be wandering outside the _Peaceful Tyranny_ so you’ll have to remain here while we go check.”

“Tarn, what are you doing? Why are we keeping a human and Vehicon?” Nickel hissed in Fae tongue as she gave you a perfunctory medical examination. “You used to put Fae on The List for fraternising with humans!”

“They are to be part of our group now, I’ve changed my opinion. (Name) had proven beneficial to my emotional health.” He responded shortly as Nickel watched in horror as he gathered them into his arms.

“Tarn! _You_ need a medical check up, are you cursed? Compromised?” she questioned aghast as the DJD’s once noble leader merely gave her side eye. “You can’t trap them here!”

“I’m fine, the effects of the hex have already faded. Now if you’ll excuse me.” He dismissed primly, starting out the door with a bewildered human in tow.

“Let me show you around the realm now, hm?” Nickel could hear him purr sweetly to his new pet as they exited the room. 

Tarn herds you down the walkway, explaining various things to you as you pass by. Quite suddenly, you hear frantic pounding against the door you’re walking past. Vaguely you think you hear ‘help!’ from within. You quickly turn the handle before Tarn can stop you and a Vehicon tumbles out.

“Steve?”

“(Name)! We gotta get out of here before they torture us!”

“Nonsense! You’re our guests, just Vehicon rumours. Is your room not satisfactory? Certainly better than the barracks you had before. I suppose one of the others must have brought you in without Nickel being aware.” Tarn lied easily as you looked around for an escape, you trusted your friend more than your chicken.

“It was really nice of you to show me your realm Tarn, but Steve and I have to go back now.” You tell the shadow demon abruptly.

“Don’t you want to stay? I have your rooms set up already, even for Steve.” Tarn replied sulkily, disappointment clear.

“No thank you, that’s very generous of you to offer.”

“I thought you loved me? You always told me you loved me.” he accused in confusion, looking hurt as you scrambled to remember when you had said that.

“Oh, you were a chicken then though...” you muttered, a difference he didn’t seem to grasp.

“So you won’t love me just because I look different? That’s shallow.” He replied petulantly. 

“Tarn, our whole relationship dynamic was different, it’s not just about your appearance.” You explained exasperatedly.

“So if I change my appearance, things will be back to the way they were?”

“…No, because I know that this is your true form now. Just let Steve and I return to the human realm, then you can visit us sometimes and vice versa.” You offer, because you no flat out blocking him won’t end well.

“But I want you _here_. I can’t be in the human world all the time…” he protests with a frown.

“Well, we can’t hang out all the time anyway, we need personal space and we have jobs. We’ll be so much happier if we aren’t cooped up in this place, isn’t that better than us crying all the timeif we’re made into prisoners?” you reason and his scowl deepens at your word choice.

He looked upset and raring to argue, but luckily your saviour with shimmering dragonfly wings appeared to tip the scales.

“Tarn, they’re right. Why don’t we at least try that arrangement? You won’t get any emotional support if they are here against their will.” Nickel said sternly, having followed after you two. “Besides, you’re out hunting most of the time anyway so it won’t matter whether they’re staying in the _Peaceful Tyranny_ or the human realm.”

Tarn hesitates, but Nickel is glaring full force at him and when his shoulders start sagging a little, you know she’s won. Reluctantly, he agrees.


	14. Epilogue

“If I watch another ‘Funny Animals Compilation’ I think it will haunt me beyond the grave.” Muttered Steve as you two were once again relegated to Youtube.

“It’s too late, I see these compilations in my dreams already. Although, the alternative is sitting on Tarn’s lap while he talks to you for hours about Megatron, his day, the Decepticon cause, Megatron, classical music, Megatron, _Towards Peace_ and did I remember to say Megatron?” you replied sardonically as Steve rolled his eyes.

Unfortunately, Tarn believed that funny animals videos was _all_ you two enjoyed watching and thus you were trapped with a veritable library of puppies and kittens doing silly things whenever you two went over to visit him. Which was often, as he demanded your company every weekend at minimum. Kaon was especially fond of the dog videos, and insisted on being invited to watch when you and Steve pulled out the laptop. He hovered over your shoulder with The Pet if you weren’t with Tarn, taking notes to add to the turbofox’s repertoire of skills. 

Honestly, the whole experience was fairly awkward but Tarn spoiled you with presents so you couldn’t complain, he ignored Steve though. At least when Kaon got you something he made sure to bring Steve one too. Once, it had been a couple remote controlled cars you two had raced around the room, or another time it was a collection of tiny hats he made you all wear. By ‘all’, this referred to you, Steve and The Pet.

It was pretty obvious he viewed you two as secondary companions to his beloved turbofox.

While rather offensive, it was better than Tarn’s suffocating affection or endless doting and at least he talked to Steve respectfully. He was like that weird family friend. Another benefit was that he sometimes managed to wheedle you guys time off the _Peaceful Tyranny_ during your weekend visits. Like today for example.

“This place is beautiful! But it’s really hot, huh?” You noted as you emerged from the portal in a small Fae town, The Pet bounding ahead.

“We need to go pick up some supplies, but there’s a park here that you and The Pet can run around in.” Tarn told you brightly, clasping your hand in his claw. As usual, he ignored Steve’s existence.

“I’ll go pick up the items.” Kaon offers as he breaks away from the group, passing you a toy for his turbofox.

Thankfully, Tarn seems content to just sit under a tree and let you and Steve entertain The Pet at the park. He watches contently as you rub The Pet’s ears or throw the Frisbee to Steve while the turbofox races to catch it before it can reach him.

“Would you like one, Tarn?” Kaon asks upon returning quietly with the supplies, offering him a selection of flavoured shaved ice cups with toppings on a little tray.

Right, you had mentioned it was hot.

While it was frustrating that you seemed to like Kaon more than him, he supposed it was good that you got along with another member of his team. Still, it made him a little grouchy. No, he wasn’t jealous (he was)…

“Why did you buy five?” he questioned, as Kaon stared blankly back at him.

“The Pet would like one too.” He replied after a moment.

“That’s not what I meant. Decepticon deserters don’t deserve dessert.” He snapped, pointing at an oblivious Vehicon.

“Respectfully Tarn, I think (Name) would like you a lot better if you stopped excluding Steve.” His communications officer mentioned in an offhand tone. “I mean, we’re already bending the rules by not killing him so I don’t see how making him feel unwanted is helpful to…um…”

He broke off. For a second, shadows flared around Tarn as Kaon flinched, electricity cackling to life around him on instinct.

“So now you know what (Name) likes? You two are best of friends I suppose. You think you know what amount of leniency should be extended to traitors.” He spat as the other Fae watched him with a pained look on his face.

“No sir, that’s just my humble opinion. Uh…would you like to offer them the ice treats?”

Tarn snatched the tray away from him and stalked over to the three of you, calling your name.

“Would you like one, dear?” he simpers as your expression brightens greatly.

“Thank you, Tarn! That’s so thoughtful, you even got one for Steve too!” you beamed at him and his spark pulsed in his chest.

Maybe…just maybe there was some truth in what Kaon had said he mused as you sat down next to him to enjoy your ice cup. He fluffed his cloak over you, using his magic to keep you cool as you hesitantly leaned against him and watched The Pet chase Steve around for more shaved ice, having consumed theirs already.

While it was only a short trip, it was pleasant in a way Tarn hadn’t felt in a long time.

“Did you have fun?” Tarn asks, scooping you into his arms and cooing over you the moment you return to the _Peaceful Tyranny_ , back to ignoring the Vehicon.

Kaon gives Steve a sympathetic pat.

“Don’t worry, he cares about you too.” He says gently, as if _that_ is the problem.

“Primus I don’t want him to, not like that.” Steve replies darkly, slinking away towards his room as you give him a betrayed look from Tarn’s clutches.

While it could be worse, it certainly wasn’t ideal. But then again, neither was working 10 hours a day to make a living until you hopefully managed to retire. At least now you got to walk between the two realms and not worry about financial issues, even if you had to spend time with a misguided shadow demon. Once again, you reflect on how this entire bizarre situation had started with a simple chicken.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TIS DONE AAAA, PLEASE LEAVE A REVIEW IF YOU CAN AND HOPE YOU ENJOYED THE RIDE :D Also, to address the ending, Tarn still has serious issues and although Reader doesn't know about all of them yet, I've left it on he's slowly becoming more lenient which hopefully will evolve into slowly becoming more reasonable.
> 
> EVERYONE LOOK AT THIS GIFT THAT WAS BEQUEATHED UNTO ME:
> 
> Chicken Tarn by [searchound](https://searchound.tumblr.com/) on Tumblr  
> 


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